Goodbye Greys, We're On Speaking Terms Shonda

So I'm a lot embarrassed to be writing this now. I am by no means a super, super fan of Grey's. Can I answer a buzz feed quiz on the chronological catastrophes in the history of the show? Can I triangulate the love triangles of the core characters? Can I match myself with 3 of the main personalities on the show? TOTES. A bus ran over George (007). Shooting. Plane crash. Derek dies. Also in order of least to most tears I've shed in a finale. And I'm most like Arizona because I'm passionate and cry when I can't express myself with words. Am I a fan who's posted on blogs and forums of my distaste? Hell no. But my closest friends know, and my husband knows, how hard it was for me to say goodbye to my last beloved character on a show I have loved since I was 17 years old. That fact helped me realize, that Shonda doesn't write for me anymore.

I remember being 17 years old and it was just after prom I think? That the season 2 two part finale had aired that night on ABC. Just after Desperate Housewives became a hit and the first African American female writer on a major network TV show began to break records. I shared my fandom for her on this blog before. My mom taped over (we didn't have TiVo at the time. Rude, mom) the first half of the Denny - Izzy love story. I hunted on the early stages of YouTube for hours on senior ditch day to find it and at the end of what would have been my last senior year, I found it in 6 parts online. Watched the whole thing, curled up on the couch and watched the last half live that on ABC, with even more record breaking fans and sobbed my eyes out. Didn't sob like that again until my 9 years of Grey's devotion kicked in, and I watched the untimely death of Derek Shepherd this past year at 2am after supporting a good friend at her breakout Second City show (We now have the millennial version of TiVo).

I will never forget this day-- SJ you are hilarious and I really appreciate the Bernie and your fab improv. But I was super embarrassed after watching this particular finale. For starters, let's talk about the fucking irony that a neurosurgeon died of a brain injury from a lower ranked goddamn trauma hospital! I'm moving through the anger still. I had 2 group texts going about how this can't be real. Shonda, (yes, Shonda. She lost my respect this summer so we are on a first name basis.) can't kill off 1/2 of the duo I might have loved the most since my younger years of wanting to believe in a fairy tale produced by Disney. My now husband came into the living room PISSED because I was sobbing, in his words, "like my mom died" over Dr. Derek Shepherd. That's when I knew, this is just TV.

It's crazy because this love story Shonda Rhimes created I really appreciated. It was very real and very flawed which was really cute in a "not everyone is price charming" way.This was my showwwwww. Freshman through senior year of college this was the thing we watched after essays, before pregamming and before fake ID/real ID Thirsty Thursdays. Grey's was a ritual! And then when my husband walked in the room, I thought through all my piles of Kleenex to myself--- BIIIHHH, are you serious?! Don't get me wrong. The Shonda hate still lives in my veins through Snapchat and group texts. I even hate watched one of the finales last night trying to get back into my show, texted friends an awful screenshot (sorry Krissy and Jessica) and I still couldn't love it. Because I am supremely happy. This random love story I loved is toast compared to what I live now every day. Sorry Keith, you're my *insert whatever phrase is better than McDreamy here* so this show goes back to the fiction it's intended to be and for all the newbies who have no idea the emotional roller coaster this show is. Strap. In.

I'm at peace with the fact that I can let go of whatever this show turns out to be, its characters, and the way I used to run home Thursday nights at 8pm. (Sidenote: literally everyone is busy at 7pm CST. Shonda said IDFWU to Grey's, unlike the way she used to. You TEW brand new, boo.) I digress.

I can say bye to Grey's now and good luck to everyone who still watches it. I'm no longer in the gripping age group of fans who die for this now dead love story. I got my own to write.

Xoxo

PS this poster is rude.

PPS I also signed the change.org petition to bring Derek back. Whatever. I was grieving.

Photo cred: Giphy.com, TVLine.com